Farts of Speech (Anger Mismanagement) #4

Being angry doesn’t necessarily mean you fight the person. It doesn’t mean you cause him physical harm and chew his ears off. You’re not Mike Tyson. You don’t have a lisp or a face thattoo. You have an arm tattoo, which is basically your own name written in ambigram and you’re tired of people asking you, “Bro, what is that font? Is it Greek or something?”

I wonder what pushed certain people to an extent where they thought, fuck it! I am getting my own name tattooed on my hand. Is it because they kept forgetting it? Ghajini term memory syndrome? Or is it because someone told them it’s a good idea?

You know what’s a good idea? To get a face tattoo. No, I am not recommending Lil Pump, Lil Xan, Lil Wayne and other Lil rapper’s weird tattoos; a smiley face, a tiny star, tear drops, christmas decors, your garage tools, etc. Those are way too much coloring on the outlines of your skin. What’s genius is (or was?) Gucci Mane’s softy cone on his cheeks. That was hands down the best tattoo for pedophiles. It’s an economic pedophilic tool too. You don’t need to buy an ice cream truck or even an actual ice-cream. You just need to show up, and if they beat the crap out of you, as they should, you can simply turn the other cheek. See what I did there? Cheeky!

Anyway, I meant getting your face tattooed on your own face. Imagine you looking at yourself in the mirror with that kind of a thing. Would that remind you of someone? Or something? Maybe your own face? That’s crazy, huh?

What that reminds me is of a funny drawing I saw on the internet; it had an elephant’s body and the creator (or the meme genius) claimed that while drawing the elephant he forgot what an actual elephant’s face looks like, so he drew two eyes, a nose and thick luscious lips on the elephant’s trunk and circled it. So my point is, perhaps having a face drawn on a face would look something like that.

The problem with a face drawn on a face although is that people will take you on your face value. Which, in rough approximations should come up to thousand rupees per square inch in the tattoo world.

Sorry, I ramble, and I digress, but again, my point is, you can be angry at someone and still not harm them; physically or emotionally. And the right way to do that is to throw certain frustrating words at them. So, next time someone gets your sandwich wrong, tell the guy is a bloody gobemouche. Now, the word doesn’t really mean much in this context, but he might flip the dictionary to fathom the insult. And the chances are he’ll still be confused, and you get to spoil his entire evening.

Every time someone like Shashi Tharoor uses words like floccinaucinihilipilification, I immediately look it up in the dictionary, to see how many syllables the guy wasted to communicate a simple message. But a lot of times, that’s not enough. The first result is just a starter and only about a ten percent of the actual job done. It’s a clue to the next word in this quest for meaning. Next, you need to look at the meaning of the word that’s the meaning of the first word, because your GRE scores were not that great.

For instance, if you called someone an appeasnik and he went on to flip the pages of the dictionary to find the meaning of that word. This is what he will find:

Appeasnik (noun, plural: appeaseniks): A person who favours a policy of appeasement.

Does that help? No! I want to know the meaning of the word and not find out another word that’s the derivative of the first word. So now I must look for the meaning of appeasement.

Appeasment (noun, plural appeasments): The state of being appeased.

Really? Who is writing these definitions?

It’s like if you quietly asked your friend Sam in Math exam, what’s the value of “X” he has got and he whispered, “well actually the X here equals to Y+20”.

And what does fucking Y equal to then, Sam? Can you come to the point? Don’t come to the point that is close to the actual point plus a few meters away north west to it. Don’t stand in the fucking ballpark. Stand where you need to stand and wave from there, so I can see you. Wear a florescent jacket, if that helps. This is why your friends don’t shows up at your house party on time. They they are always somewhere else than where they should be.

“Well, Y equals to Z + a lot of confusion + going in circles. Guess you will never find out.”

So yeah, when you look at Appeased, the dictionary tells you: Appeased (verb, third person singular, simple present appeases, present participle appeasing, simple past and past participle appeased): To dispel anger or hatred.

Okay, so something to do with anger or hatred? Simple words. Cool. But can I ask you what do you mean by dispel?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s