I have an old joke that I wrote a few years ago about my attention span. Ready? Here it is: Me: You know, I have the attention span of a goldfish She: What? Me: What?
So, I am reading that novel, alright. I am paying attention for say, some good thirty-seven seconds. During this time, the whole world around me has ceased to exist. It’s just me and my breath, and of course the cologne of these words sprinkled over these pages. I don’t feel any eyes on me and nothing distracts me at all. You could strip me down, doodle a penis on my face, and stuff my pet in an oven and turn it on and I wouldn’t pay attention. However, on the thirty-eighth second, something happens. Maybe the author uses the word, “suddenly”, to describe an expected set of mundane events. It throws me off. I suddenly stop reading it.
Anything that can’t grab my attention is the job of worst kind for me. Even if it is something fun; say playing a video game with tricks and codes that can make a particular level easier – or boost my avatar’s powers – is automatically a task for me. And tasks shouldn’t be a part … Continue reading FARTS OF SPEECH (ATTENTION DEFICIENCY) #3
Being superficial by nature is not a badge I want pinned on my shoulders. It’s not something I am proud of but I know the pendulum of attention has an anomaly and it often strikes boredom more than it strikes engagement. And boredom is the mother of divided attention (and grandmother of superficiality). It’s the … Continue reading FARTS OF SPEECH (ATTENTION DEFICIENCY) #2
My attention span is abnormally minimal. In fact, let’s just say, if it was my wage I would be perpetually broke. If it was my dress, there would be plenty of naked hairy legs. If it was a response, it would be a: “?” or, “fuck, what?”. If it was a text, it would be … Continue reading FARTS OF SPEECH (Attention Deficiency) #1
I heavily disregard the idea of physical fighting. Unless you are aiming for the Olympics or UFC, you shouldn’t body wrestle anyone you don’t want to fuck. Because usually in a wrestle, there is too much of intimacy and hand holding. Which then makes people question your unspoken preferences after a point. I think you … Continue reading Farts of Speech (ANGER MISMANAGEMENT) #5
Being angry doesn’t necessarily mean you fight the person. It doesn’t mean you cause him physical harm and chew his ears off. You’re not Mike Tyson. You don’t have a lisp or a face thattoo. You have an arm tattoo, which is basically your own name written in ambigram and you’re tired of people asking … Continue reading Farts of Speech (Anger Mismanagement) #4
It’s not like I cannot keep my anger in check or that I will, without any concerns, snap at an authoritative figure who could fuck me over. Nope. Being angry does have its own share of perks at some selected places. Airport immigration being a major exception. Nostril flaring, sarcasm, or direct insults should be … Continue reading Farts of Speech (Anger Mismanagement) #3
I often come across these pious coercers who offer me the advice: Holding on to anger is like, drinking poison and expecting others to die. Sorry, you’re confusing suicide with murder. You’re worried about me causing self-destruction or at the very least going Van Gogh. I am endorsing: emotional harm, harsh-criticism and belittling, wherever appropriately … Continue reading FARTS OF SPEECH (ANGER MISMANAGEMENT) #2
The inability to stay cool and calm, because why the fuck should you! People always tell me that anger isn’t good for me. They tell me, it doesn’t accomplish anything and that every time I get angry, I move closer to death. I am not sure how that works; maybe I shrink in size and … Continue reading Farts of Speech (Anger Mismanagement) #1